The 25th Hour ~karenjcardoza.com~

Just a quickie because it’s late and I’m tired…. Today was another good day at school and I got lots done in my classroom again today. The kids had activities so I was able to go through all of my visual supports and get them organized. I printed some new ones using Writing with Symbols and will make more each day so that I can laminate them next week.

Today was the END of a bit of emotional rollercoaster ride that I’ve been on for the last week. I hadn’t mentioned it here because I didn’t know what I was going to do but came to my decision yesterday only to waver a bit today when I saw it in black and white on the job fair list… the question was whether or not I would attempt to bid on a Pre-K Severe Profound job that came available last week because the long time teacher of the class is retiring.

It was a tough decision but I decided to stay right where I am. Anyone who has been reading this blog, who knows me, or has heard me whine on Twitter knows how STRESSED out and disgusted I was about the Alternate Assessment that I’m required to do on my students each year.  The thought of teaching the population that I love without it being a grade level that is assessed was mighty tempting but, it was just about the only thing that really attracted me to make a complete change at this point.

Reasons to go:

• no assessment
• no punky kids in hallways/lunchroom

Reasons to stay:

• Keeping my partnership with my teacher assistant, Mrs. M.
• I love my kids and have a great class next year
• I’ve got a game plan to make assessment bearable
• I’m finally NOT going to have to share a room
• Syd and I are excited about sharing kids and doing more cooperative units
• We’ll be eating with our own kids so no lunch duty!!
• We’re hooking up with a good team for next year
• I have a principal who supports every decision I ever make about my kids
• I’ve never felt that deep down desire to “work with the little ones”
• I know what I’m doing after all these years
• I have a parking place…hehe!
• I hate change

I didn’t even attend the job fair today because I had a hair appointment and knew I wasn’t going to bid out.  I am curious to know who did take that job and if I even would have had enough seniority to get it anyway but I’m feeling secure in my decision to stay put.  (Now, if the job fair would have taken place in the middle of the assessment period, I probably would have taken ANYthing to escape it but it’s like childbirth I guess… you forget the pain when it’s all over!

So, I’m off to bed now and will wake up content as I head to school for the last Friday of this year.

For the very first time since I started teaching my population of students (those with significant cognitive disabilities) I’m seriously considering leaving my position and looking into something else at the job fair this June. I love my kids and I love what I do every day. I love my teaching assistant and the teacher that I share a room with. I love to be greeted with hugs when I arrive at school on Monday mornings and I love celebrating with them when they achieve something that they’ve worked hard to learn.

I’m very sad about this but I feel like I’m being torn because my love for those kids is being overshadowed by my disdain from the Alternate Assessment Datafolios that I’m required to submit to the state every year. I know that every job has pros and cons but that’s just it… the scales have tipped so far this year that my hatred of the project that I’m mandated to do far outweighs my love of the job. I fear that the stress of it all is permeating every aspect of my life and the stress surely can’t be good for my health and well being. (Only 2 teachers in my district are required to do them and the number of hours that I spend working on it is completely unrealistic for anyone. Not only am I required to dream up 36-48 distinct activities to match goals, but collect data on over 100 others, enter data on a website that continually crashes for me, and have the students actually perform those activities … All in addition to the typical things that we just do each and every day as part of our curriculum.)

Of course, there may not even be anything available of interest to me at the job fair but to think that I’m seriously considering it is just unbelievable. It’s so sad that I feel that I’m almost being forced out of my career of choice because of something beyond my control. (The completed datafolios are due May 8th and as of now, I’m not even close to being done… and I mean not even close…. so, I’ve got every free period, school night, weekend and April vacation earmarked to work on them. Forget about reading, getting enough exercise or sleep, enjoying nature and putting out any web content. My life will begin again on 05/09/08.)

I will not let them kill my spirit. I will not! I’ve always considered myself to be a positive person and someone who not only avoids drama and mean spiritedness but tries to always see the good in others. Given situations, while cautious, I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. I have HOPE and faith that people are good (for the most part) and will do the right thing.

So, I’m saddened not only as a mother and teacher but as a human being because of the direction that society is taking. I won’t let today’s situation make me cynical but I do have the right to feel disappointed just the same….

Kelsea informed me this morning that she had not seen her LG VX9900 Envy cell phone since last night. While it’s not an iPhone, it certainly isn’t a cheapy no- nonsense phone either. We spent the day searching high and low, retracing her steps and tearing the house and car apart. She headed back to CVS, the last place that she had it last night at 8:30pm. Not finding it, I called Verizon to shut off the service this afternoon.

Then.. I began to think about it. “What if someone finds the phone? They won’t be able to get in touch with us or receive calls to return it.” So, I called Verizon and (assuming responsibility for any charges incurred) had it turned back on for the night “just in case.”

Repeated calls to the phone went unanswered but were ringing in the evening rather than going directly to voice mail so I knew someone had turned the phone on. I decided to send a text to her phone. Thus began a series of texts while I sat on the hill at Patriots Training Camp.

• Me: I need the phone back please.
• “how much are yu willing to pay for this phone back”
• Me: This phone will do you no good when I shut it off so please do the right thing and return it no questions asked.
• “ill smash it then it really doesnt matter to me maybe yu shuld watch where yu put things i found thiss shit”
• Me: You should just do the right thing. It is useless to you because it will be deactivated and reported as stolen.
• Me: you still could do the right thing. Your conscience, not mine.
• “do yu kno where seekonk middle school is”
• Me: i can find it
• “well how much you willin to pay first”
• Me: Sorry, deactivating now.
• “yur lost not mine.”
• Me: that’s what insurance is for.
• “ya i suppose. but you can get your phoone and evceryuthin wit it for 40 bills 10 less than vcerzion”
• “and she gets all her music ringtones contacts pics videos”

At which time I called and deactivated the phone. There is no way that I was going to be strong-armed by this person. Yes, the insurance cost is $50 for the replacement but I would pay double that rather than give that scum a dime. So, instead of doing the right thing, and likely getting some green from me for returning the “found” phone, they’ve got a beautiful piece of useless equipment on their hands that they either smashed in frustration or will try to pawn off on someone else. (I’m hoping that the battery dies very soon so access to her address book, pictures, videos, etc will be gone–unless they spring for a charger)

I’m sad about this, not because of the money but because I had faith… faith that there are still good people in the world. Faith that someone finding the phone would do exactly what I would do without even batting an eyelash. Faith that when it comes right down to it, kids can and will have empathy for others and that the rude, disrespectful behavior and attitudes that I see in school on a daily basis are more the exception rather than the rule.

Guess I was wrong in this case but I’m still not willing to give up on people and will continue to be the best person that I can be, hoping that it just may rub off on others. Either way, I can sleep soundly at night, knowing that I’ve raised my children and have taught my students to be Good People, to do what’s right and have empathy for others along the way. How about you?

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